July 21, 2005

A Fit of Nostalgia

I found this picture last night and was hit with a fit of nostalgia. I remember exactly what led up to this picture being taken: I was sitting in the rocker with Daughter and Husband asked what I was doing. I told him I wanted to just sit and enjoy holding the baby because I knew then that I'd forgotten what it was like when Son was an infant. So Husband took this picture.

It's like I can still feel Daughter's breathing against my neck as I cuddled her. She loved to be held like that, she's always been a tummy sleeper. We have tons of pictures from the hospital of Husband holding her like this while she dozed.

I guess I'm feeling like this because, as Daughter is almost two, and Son is almost six, I know that there won't be any more babies. I don't feel bad about this, from the standpoint of being pregnant and all that, not to mention the mind numbing exhaustion of taking care of a newborn. Kids have their pros and cons, every stage is both a great thing and a nightmare, and I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. But there is a part of me, a small part, that feels a bit of baby fever.

But then I look at the piles of outgrown clothes, the highchair, count up the costs of diapers and remember the cost of formula, and heave a sigh of relief that I won't be going through all that again.

But come on, for all the complaining we may do about our kids, we all still remember that intoxicating baby smell, the warm weight of our sleeping child in our arms, that overpowering feeling of awe we all had when we looked at that little miracle we were holding.