Too Damn Hot

Gawd, what a day!

Son started college today. College camp, that is. One of the local colleges has this camp thing every year, and so this week Son will be spending every day up there. He attended last year for a half day and really liked it, so this year he wanted to go all day.

I went to the doc today about my heart issues. She didn't notice anything suspicious, but is sending me to a cardiologist just to be sure. I also have to fast for blood work. But at least things are going to be checked out.

I am so fookin' tired it isn't even funny. It is too damn hot to do anything!

It Never Turns Out the Same

Last night I attempted to prepare some Paula Deen recipes for supper. Why is it that they never turn out the way the do on TV? I followed the recipes to the letter and still nothing turned out right.

You're saying...what did you fix? Cheeseburger meatloaf and crunchy red potatoes.

How can I screw up a meatloaf? I don't know, but I managed to.

The only good thing I can say is that no one got sick.

You Kiss Your Mama With That Mouth?

Yes, this man is very supportive of the troops. See how he's giving the one-finger salute to the camera?

It's this kind of "support" that keeps my awake at night.

Bastard.

Thankew ThirDEE because I swiped this from her

Fashion Advice

I've seen this picture quite a bit around Blogaritaville, and trust me, I hate posting it on this here blog, but I've gotta say...

DAYUM! I wouldn't dress my two-year-old in that skirt! Did she get that from MacOmar the Tent Maker? Cripes.

Aside from the whole "fasting" thing (and face it, she could stand to lose a few pounds), she can't take time out of her busy bitching and whining - er, protest - schedule to thumb through a copy of Vogue?

Is she trying to go for that "naughty Catholic school girl" look?

You know what would look really good on her? A shirt with a nice, big bulls-eye on it.

At Random, ad nauseam

I finally got the last of the treasured school supplies this morning. I would like to know, however, just how in the hell Son is going to get it all to school. I'm going to split it up, of course, perhaps even taking in the snot rags and whatnot to school myself.

Husband had the day off, which was nice; he got another set of bookshelves stained. Right now he's planning our "adventure," which will probably be tomorrow. I think we're going to a petting zoo/safari type thing this weekend too...and they have LLAMAS there!

I baked a loaf of blueberry quick bread. Supper is in the oven...thankew Taste of Home magazine for those recipes.

Oh, and because Husband is in the military I now have a discount card for Sally Beauty Supply! Yay? I went in for a new brush and came out with a discount card.

I may have already met my daughter-in-law. Last night we had our Bible study group thing, and one of our hosts' daughters is enamored of Son. As my family unit and I were leaving, future DIL says "when I grow up I wanna be just like you! I'm gonna marry your son!"

At that "just like you" comment I burst out laughing, but when she mentioned marrying Son I remembered what Husband said when we first got acquainted with the girl's parents. "We may have just met the future in-laws!"

Somehow I never thought Son would meet his future wife at age 6.

Newsflash! Sinatra had ties to Mafia!

It turns out Frank Sinatra really did have ties to the Mafia.

Um, okay, but didn't we kind of already have that figured out?

While I think the Mafia is really interesting (sorry, I was brought up on The Godfather movies and I LOVE Goodfellas), I love Frank Sinatra more and any ties he had to organized crime don't really matter to me.

Nope. As long as I can pop in my CD's and hear "Fly me to the moon..." any illegal ties he had are a moot point.

You May Call Me June Cleaver

Thankew to blog bud ThirDEE for linking this one:

British mum is bored stiff by her children.

Which begs the question: why in the hell did you have kids in the first place? Did she think her kids would be any different?

Oh sure, I'll be the first one to stand up and say that yes, sometimes I do get a little bit fed up with the kids sometimes - the arguments, the bathing, the birthday parties and whatnot - but for crying out loud! This is what I want to do!

Call me an old-fashioned geek, but maybe I want to have that 1950's life where the dad works and comes home to dinner and a spotless house. I can't say I actually pull that off, but at least I try.

I love my kids, believe it or not, and some days I have to repeat "I love my kids/they are a blessing" over and over (like today at the mall), but I can't imagine life without them.

This "mother" texted her friends throughout Pirates of the Caribbean. Good grief woman! Johnny Depp was up there! Have you no shame???

Look, maybe I'm not June Cleaver (though I aspire to be Paula Deen), any maybe every day isn't a beautiful day in my neighborhood, but dammit, I try, and I know that I'm doing the best I can for my kids.

Eddie's Got a New Gig

Eddie Van Halen is now going to compose music for adult films. Skin flicks. As my dad called them: "suck and f*ck movies."

Eddie goes so far as to compare the director he's working with to Spielberg. Spielberg?

But plese, click on this link, if only to see the contrast between the Eddie in the photo above with the current, post-Valerie Bertinelli Eddie.

Two months and counting

Son's birthday is two months from today, and being the over-thinking, anal retentive mother that I am, I've already started planning his party.

I use the term "planning" loosely, as all I've really done is sit Son down with one of those party supply catalogs so he could pick out a theme. (The movie "Cars.") I asked him who he thought he'd like to invite, and he named four kids from church and asked if we could invite the Pastor again. Sure, says I. I also told him that once school starts back up we can figure out who to invite.

My thoughts always wander over to "which family members should I invite?" With the exception of one of the SIL's, most of our family lives at least three hours away. I DO NOT want to get in trouble with the one SIL (I have several) who got her nose out of joint because she wasn't invited last year. She had her panties in a twist about something else, but finding out that her parents were invited and she wasn't set her off even more.

Silly, isn't it? That someone would get bent about not being invited to a child's birthday party. I could see that coming from, say, Son's friends, but not "mature" adults.

I brought this up when we were all gathered at Thanksgiving and was told if I invite one I've got to invite them all. I said "You're telling me I have to waste postage, and an invitation, to invite you all to a kid's party...and you can't even RSVP?" (I hate that.)

The obvious solution here would be to make this about who Son wants to invite (his pals and my parents) and not give a fart about everyone else. I mean, Husband's parents wouldn't come (they didn't RSVP last year either).

Stop worrying about it, you say. I know. Frankly, I could care less. It is supposed to be about Son, after all. And that particular SIL? She was weaned on a lemon anyway, so you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Whoops

I did not, as I had promised, go to Curves last night.

The major reason is this: it's my heart. Lately it's been all fluttery and pound-y, causing me to cough and wheeze because I can't catch my breath. Walking up and down the stairs to the basement and back wears me out.

I'm going to the doctor on Monday.

See, despite what I may say, I'm not some morbidly obese person. I'm within the range for my height and age, I just don't happen to like being at the high end of that range. But I'm not some lard ass that never moves. And I don't smoke anymore.

And heart problems are quite common in my family, especially on my dad's side. My dead father...who died of heart failure.

So you can see where I'd be a little concerned.

Like I said, I'll see my doc on Monday and see what she thinks we should do.

I burned my neck...

...with the curling iron.

It's not a hickey.

See, I haven't used a curling iron since...um...let's see.....carry the one.....1989? Something like that, so I'm a bit out of practice.

I'm trying to figure out how to do my hair for The Big Dinner coming up, because somehow I don't think my standard "just go out with wet hair and drive real fast with the windows down" look will suffice.

Shit.

I may just have to suck it up and go up to the mall to have my hair done. Grr...

Ah well, I will look FABULOUS!

I would have never thought of that

At lunchtime today, Daughter insisted on drinking her milk out of an old dosing cup. I gave it to her because she was being Spongebob's nurse. (I guess he broke his leg.) Anyway, she wanted a "medicine cup" and since I have so many of those dosing cups...I gave her one.

Well, even though I had to refill the thing every five seconds, it was a way to get her to drink out of a "regular" cup.

I've heard of using shot glasses, but this worked too.

Snort Worthy

An e-mail from Husband: "Worst Unintentional URL's"

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find
the name of the agent that represents a celebrity.
Their domain name is:
www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where
programmers can exchange advice and views at:
www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island
at:
www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at:
www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator
company...
www.powergenitalia.com

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery,
based in New South Wales:
www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's
always:
www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church.
Their website is:
www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art
designers, and their whacky website:
www.speedofart.com

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure
website at:
www.gotahoe.com

NOTE: Since I don't know if these URL's still actually work, I did not try to link to them.

I'm lazy

Over the course of the past week and a half or so, I've sort of, well, NOT gone to Curves like I should. I've been content to just go to the tanning beds when I get a chance.

Well! With Husband working and going out of town I really haven't had much of a chance, now have I?

Now Husband will be home in a few minutes. Supper is in the oven and all he'd have to do is dish it out for himself and the kids. There's nothing stopping me from going up to Curves and the tanning beds, but for some reason I just feel like fake baking.

That's some marketing ploy

Have you seen the Hummer commercial where the mom tries to defend her kid on the playground? Then she trades in her minivan for a Hummer and then, like, has nerves and guts and all?

Stupid.

First of all, a real mom wouldn't do that. A real mom would tell the other mom to either go blow, or feel ashamed for teaching her kid that kind of snot-nosed behavior.

That commercial just makes my ass twitch.

Jinkies!!

I've been told that, with my glasses on, I resemble Velma. You know, Scooby-Doo? Well hell, I've got to see, and without my glasses I'm...wearing contacts! But without those I'm pretty much useless in the vision department.

So it should come as no surprise that I have to place my specs just so on my bedside table, so they can be snatched and jammed on to my face lest one of the younglings is awake with dreams of Chewbacca sitting on their back. (I refer to Daughter...)

Anyway, last night I crawled into bed and somehow knocked my glasses on the floor. I'd thought of just leaving them there, but then my ever practical (and overly anal) mind thought "what if Daughter wakes up?" so I was reduced to pawing around in the dark to find my other two eyes.

It then struck me that, damn! I am just like Velma!

"My glasses! I can't find my glasses!"

Jinkies!! I'd better go get those knee socks and turtleneck sweater to complete the look.

Want even more GroovyVic?

I'm guest blogging over at Agent Bedhead!

I'm so nervous.

I have become comfortably sick

Husband is torturing me with Pink Floyd.

He started off with bagpipe music, which is fine with me, but now he's got Floyd on...and I think I'm going to be sick.

Just thought you'd like to know, in case I run off into the woods screaming in terror. That's why.

I think it's time to put some Alan Jackson or Brooks and Dunn in the CD player and return the favor, don't you think? Or maybe The Black Eyed Peas....

GroovyVic = Movie Star

Because I'm a glutton for punishment, and I had some free time, I popped Gods and Generals in my DVD player, if only to find Husband in the Fredericksburg and Chancellorsville scenes.

Well! I thought I'd been cut out of the home release version, but alas I was not! I found myself in the scene where Stonewall Jackson's body is being brought back to VMI.

Yep, I thought that looked like my skirt... and then I looked up and saw my blue bonnet...and I was wiping my nose (because my sinuses picked that moment to explode) and hey! That's ME!

And if you think I look pissy...well, it was HOT! And I had all those clothes on! And I broke my hoops!

But! On the plus side, I did get to check out all those fine young men in uniform at VMI.

????

I have no words for this one. I'm laughing too much!

*snort*

Just go check out the Ex-Donk's "Interesting Photo of the Day."

Coming Home!

I just got a text message from Husband. He's in Memphis right now, on his way home from a short jaunt to Mississippi (I love typing that). It's a work thing...the people he worked with were impressed...offered him a job....wooo! But he can't take it.

He went to Vicksburg...without me! Grrr....being Civil War buffs we enjoy that kind of stuff, and he goes without me. I hate that. (He also got to go to England, also without me, and talked to some real, live Scottish men.)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to him getting home. He worked this past weekend and it doesn't seem like he's been home at all. And the younglings are driving me crazy...

Snarky Goodness

"We have an emergency. In our pants."

Thankew: Agent Bedhead

Gag Reflex Triggered

Paris "Hey That's My Vagina!" Hilton says she is an icon - like Marilyn Monroe and Diana, Princess of Wales.

An icon for what? Sluts?

I'm gonna barf.

Outta Gas

Just let me get this off my chest and I'll be fine:

I had to take La Tahoe in to the shop today. Nothing major, just the standard maintenance stuff. I was able to get a loaner car because I didn't want to wait around for two and a half hours...and I doubt the guys in the repair shop wanted the younglings hanging around in the lounge either.

So fine, I transfer the car seat and booster seat into this Oldsmobile Alero (a two-door, which isn't that much fun with kids) and start on my way.

Only...they give me a car that's essentially got no gas in it!

I literally coast into a gas station and fuel up, just so I can make it home. I saved my receipt; I think I should ask that they deduct the cost of the gas I bought off my total bill, don't you???

Another reason...

...I'm glad I don't live in PA anymore.

Strike! Strike! Strike!!

The Wandering Mind posts about school supplies, and I have to say, I quite agree with him.

Now, I didn't have to get Son a calculator for second grade, but I do have to send in tissues, antibacterial hand soap, and baby wipes. Baby wipes? Apparently the students use these to clean their hands.

Um, hello?

Baby wipes don't kill germs. This is elementary school! Germs! Ick! Which is why I'm sending in Handi-Wipes....and I know another mom who's sending in Clorox wipes for the desktops...a good idea which I'm going to copy.

As for the other stuff: pencils, crayons, colored pencils, scissors, ruler, wire bound college-ruled notebook (I don't understand this one; Son drew pictures in his last year), glue, glue stick, and two pocket folders.

NO TRAPPER KEEPERS! "They do not fit in the desks."

Uh...didn't these fade out of existence twenty years ago? Unless I went on eBay (which I won't) I doubt I could find a Trapper even if I wanted to.

At least I don't have to send in copy paper - yet. I wouldn't be surprised if I did get a request for that. This bastard school district is cutting everything, even the library!

Strike, I say. STRIKE!!!

While we're on the subject...

...of God (sort of), I had a radical idea....okay, a stupid idea, but it made me laugh:

Seeing as how we've got "rent-a-messenger" every Sunday, why not bring in the "Reverend Jackson" (think Rush's intonation here) to preach healing and dealing?

It makes about as much sense as some of the guys the Elders have tried to pass off on us. Hello, peach jacket???

Not that I would, I'd rather pull my toenails out with pliers, but it would be good for a laugh.

The Voice of GOD

Samuel L. Jackson (or Mace Windu, as he's known in the Groovy household) is now the voice of God.

I guess I'm headed to "the hot place" with Robert...I'm giggling *snort*...all I can think of is Pulp Fiction.

Happy Hoff Day

Happy Birthday to The Hoff, who is 54 today.

Question:

Why volunteer to do something if you're not going to do it?

This being Sunday, the younglings and I went to church (Husband had to work). Daughter can never sit through all the music (and there's a lot, trust me) so she's gotten in the habit of going off to the nursery half way through all the singing. Once I had the person sitting in front of us (who's babysat the kids before) say she'd keep an eye on Son til it was time for children's church, I took Daughter to the nursery.

And remained there throughout the rest of the service!

Apparently the person who was supposed to be in the nursery today didn't read the bulletin, or they would have seen their name.

I didn't mind, as it was only Daughter and two other kids (even though Daughter was such a brat today), but when one of the kids had to go to the bathroom I started to panic a bit. I had to run in to the sanctuary get her dad...I couldn't leave the other two kids alone, you know.

Like I said, not a huge deal, but this isn't the first time this certain individual has seemingly blown off the nursery.

And it's a good thing I stuck around, huh?

Random Ewan McGregor picture post

Um, Ewan?

Can't you afford a jacket that, you know, fits? Maybe then you wouldn't have ruined the zipper.

I "heart" the Seventies

JEREMIAH WAS A BULLFROG!! WAS A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE!!!

Sorry. For whatever twisted reason I stayed up waaaay past my bedtime last night to watch the second installment of "I Love the 70's."

Considering my earliest memories are from, oh, 1975....

The always neglect to mention the really big event of 1970: the birth of GroovyVic. Yeah, the shining moment of that year.

Oh, shut up. I was watching all those My Fair Brady episodes after the kids went to bed, and I just had to stay and learn about the Gremlin.

I will admit, though, that when they talked about the hippies that I shuddered and thought "Damn liberals!" Dirty bastards!

Slick Vic

This morning I spent 10 minutes trying to get my wedding ring off so I could take it in to the jeweler to be re-sized. It was a struggle, and my finger is swollen now.

What did I use to help get the ring off?

Lube.

"Personal" lube.

Shut up!

It worked, but it wasn't so pleasurable.

Movin' On Up

My ring size, that is.

Ever since I gave birth to the younglings I haven't been able to remove my wedding ring, and can only wear my engagement rings if I do a lot of fussin' and cussin'.

It's getting on my nerves, and since I can't seem to lose weight in my hands I'm going to get the damn rings re-sized.

Hopefully this won't take too long, as these are important, and I've only ever taken off my wedding ring twice - when I was pregnant with each of the brats...er, kids...and my hands looked more like something on Mickey Mouse.

Dammit. Now I have to try to get my wedding band off; I shoved and wedged it back on almost three years ago after Daughter arrived and it literally hasn't budged since.

Lindsay Lohan taking on adult roles?

Apparently that really is Lindsay Lohan we see in those photos of...um...intense zipper contemplation.

I won't ask "that question," you know which one I'm referring to...but it looks like Diet Coke is a good chaser.

Bwaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Move over Betty Crocker

GroovyVic is baking!

Home group is going to be at my place tonight, so I've been doing some baking. You know, it's really a pain in the arse to make caramel. It looks so deceptively easy, but then a little bit of brown sugar flops out onto the stovetop and LOOKOUT! It stinks when it burns, too.

But! I'm done, and thanks to all that intensive cleaning I did for the company we had over the Fourth I have little actual cleaning to do. This is a good thing, you know?

UPDATE: The caramelized brownies tasted like c-r-a-p so I tossed the whole pan out to the animals. Ssshhh! Don't tell PETA!

And cleaning the stovetop was a real bitch.

"I know"

Happy Birthday to Harrison Ford...who is *gasp!* 64 today! Hello? This man is old enough to be my father!

Let's get moving on that Indiana Jones 4 script, hmmmm???

(And yes, I know, I used an Indiana Jones picture and a Star Wars line. Gotta problem???)

Terrible Twos

Daughter will turn three-years-old in two months. I'm hoping that she'll outgrow this attitude of hers, which consists mainly of "I need (fill in the blank)!"

Despite all efforts by Husband and myself, this child will not say "please" and demands that she be satsified NOW. It's getting on my nerves.

Yesterday I decided the younglings should be crafty, so I took them to le Mart de Wal in hopes of getting more crayons and something to color. Son got something to paint and Daughter wanted markers. Well, no, not with my white carpeting, so I got her those Crayola Wonder Markers. Have you tried them? They only color on special paper, not on anything else (like white carpeting).

At some point yesterday Son was doing his best to tell his sister that she must put the caps back on her markers or they would dry up. She protested, nay screamed at the top of her lungs, and I had had enough. I took those markers, put the caps back on, and then placed them on the top of the refrigerator. Daughter's reaction was to scream, slam her door...and then ask me if she could paint with her brother's paints five minutes later.

She has to do, have, say, everything just like her brother. Why then can't she use the potty? She is so stubborn! (She gets this from Husband's end of the gene pool.)

*sigh*

If it wasn't raining I'd throw the kids outside...

COMING SOON: Just which family members should I invite to Son's birthday party??? (Especially when they don't have the courtesy to RSVP.)

Toothy Toothinator?

It takes a lot to shock me, but these pictures of Lindsey Lohan giving a...um...er..."Monica Lewinsky???" are kind of disturbing, if only because of the expression on the guy's face.

He's not a lawn mower....

Um...nope, don't think so

"Billie Jean" has been named the greatest song of the '80's.

Ugh.

Of all the really good dance tunes to come from that era they pick Michael "Come here little boy and let me smell your underpants" Jackson???

The Crazy Diamond is DEAD

News that means more to my husband than to me: Syd Barrett is dead.

Start typing those angry comments now because....*yawn* I don't really give a flip.

I'm not a Pink Floyd fan! Maybe I'm not smart enough? I don't drop acid?

Whatever.

I can do this!

Loving this, just loving this.

In answer to Crusty Sheeman...The Rolling Victory Fast.

"Okay, here's the deal: In light of the stupid 'Rolling Fast' Stunt that the Crazy Hollywood Left and Code Pinko have come up with, we here at the Tanker Brothers have decided to come up with our own version: 'The 2006 Tanker Brothers Rolling Victory Fast!'"

It can be done. It will be done!!!

Younglings' day out

Today I packed up the younglings and took them out to lunch and a movie. We managed to sneak in some time at the bookstore too; I bought books for the kids, nothing for myself -- surprise!

We saw Cars. I didn't think I'd like it, but I really did! I guess what appealed to me was the whole Route 66 thing, a small town being passed by because of the Interstate. You know, the whole history thing.

Anyway, Daughter did pretty good...for her first time in a movie theater. She did squirm a bit, but there were only three other people in the theater and they were way in the back. Daughter spilled the popcorn, but then, someone has to do it first, right?

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!

We saw the Blue Angels yesterday. Rather, Husband saw them, I was busy consoling Daughter, who was scared to death of those loud fighters zooming right over our heads.

And Son hit the dirt with alacrity.

Ah well...the best part, for me at least, was Husband flashing his I.D. and driving on the base...past the masses who were trying to find a good spot to watch the show and probably grumbling at us for whizzing right past them.

And I shot off my mouth (shocking!) when I saw some weiner with a "Buck Fush!" bumper sticker. Husband wouldn't let him out in to traffic, and I yelled "Do you kiss your mama with that mouth?" while I shook a fist at him.

But I was on my best behavior whilst on base. I had to be! The General was there!

Somewhere in limbo

It's Sunday, which means we're going to church today.

I can't wait to see who's going to deliver "the message" today. As someone said to me last week, I feel like we're in limbo.

I say this with sarcasm, as we're still without our Pastor. The Elders are trotting in whoever they can get, it seems; last week was especially interesting. Can I get an Amen?

I can't begin to imagine how tired, frustrated, and angry our Pastor feels. I know I'm getting really tired of "Rent-A-Messenger" every week. And the message that's delivered is, and may I get struck down, propaganda from the Elders. Every week it's the same cleverly disguised message: You must listen to your Elders, your Pastor is wrong.

I almost don't even want to go today, but seeing as how the man who'll be there today looks like The Skipper (from Gilligan's Island) how can I not go? At least I'll get a good laugh out of it.

I'm saying here and now that I don't want our Pastor to have to leave. This whole mess is ridiculous, brought on by personal slights and bitterness on the part of the Elders. But if our Pastor doesn't come back, I won't either. I don't really want to be a part of a church where five men can dictate and act like brats.

Yeah, I'm in sort of a pissy mood about this. I try not to be angry, to see that there is a reason for this, but when I go to church I want to hear The Word, not some puppet of the "ruling Elders."

This N' That

Stuff about the family unit:

Last night Husband took the kids blackberry picking on our property. Son really enjoyed this and didn't even complain about the scratches he got on his legs. Daughter apparently amused herself with rocks in the driveway and the bubble stuff.

I was in the house, cleaning up from supper and reading. Reading the latest Ann Coulter book. I've said here before that I'm not a big fan of hers, but someone Husband works with does like her and let us borrow the book.

I'm not too far in to it...I'm still not a fan...but I'll read it, just to say I did.

Imagine! A Conservative Republican who doesn't like Ann Coulter! (Or Sean Hannity, but that's a rant for another time.)

Son wanted to go to the drive-in to see "Cars" last night, but we stayed in and watched The Black Pearl...I guess so we'd be up to speed for the newest Pirates movie.

It's just my opinion here, but Johnny Depp got annoying.

We were going to go to an airshow today; the Blue Angels are performing and this is a BIG DEAL. I could care less, if we don't go I shan't cry into my pillow. But we'll see. Right now I'm going to finish my coffee and go up to the tanning beds to fake bake.

Out of the mouths of babes

Picture it:

I'm sitting in the waiting room at the dentist's office with the younglings, who are happily browsing the collection of ZooBooks. Daughter is looking at the one about gorillas, when she jumps off her chair and says to me, loudly of course:

"Look Mommy! They gots boobies!!"

The nun sitting next to me was not amused, and I wanted to melt into the floor. Daughter, however, was delighted.

I Hate Brenda!

I mean, Shannen Doherty is going to fill in as co-host of that ultra-lib hen party The View.

Apparently anyone is better than Star Jones.

But wait! Isn't Doherty a...gasp!...Republican? At least she came out in very public support all those years ago of George H.W. Bush.

Among the others tapped to fill in is General Hospital's Kelly Monaco. I guess she did pretty well on that Dancing with the Stars thing, but everyone seems to forget that she once posed for Playboy.

Yep, that's right, guys. But she can act...as well as anyone in daytime can, I guess. All she has to do is say "I love Jason! I will be with Jason! Jason! Jason!"

She really loves Jason.

And, oh yeah, I HATE BRENDA!

"I'm too much!"

What now? As if Hollywood wasn't messing up classic shows by making big-screen adaptations, now we have this to look forward to:

A live-action version of The Year Without a Santa Claus.

Admit it, you sing along with Heatmiser and Snowmiser every year.

*sigh*

I have this on DVD and I watch this with the younglings every year (and yes, sing along). I wish Hollywood would leave the classics alone!

If they touch "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town" I won't be happy. That is my all-time favorite Christmas program! I mean really, who can ever replace Fred Astair and Mickey Rooney????

Google The Hoff

The Hoff is better than Brad Pitt.

I will admit I'd rather look at The Hoff than The Pitt...

h/t: Mr. Atoz

NO! NO!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Dammit!!!

The KKK is going to protest....IN GETTYSBURG!!!

Keep those cone headed bastards out of MY FAVORITE PLACE!!! How DARE those assholes desecrate ground that should be respected and held in the highest esteem.

BASTARDS!

h/t: The Jawa Report

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

I see, by my George Bush calendar, that it's the big man's birthday. I'll spare you the Marilyn Monroe version of the birthday song; instead I shall refer you to Gary, who says it best.

Coffee? Tea? Pee?

I keep seeing stuff around Blogaritaville about this "rolling fast" that Crusty Sheeman and her idiot minions are participating in.

I also heard that Willie Nelson will be joining this absurd show of protest. But, um...when he heard "rolling fast" I hope he didn't think that meant rolling doobies really fast.

And with all that juice, tea, water...they'd better have a lot of toilets available.

Bare It!

Do you have a lot of pictures on your walls?

I don't. And there's a reason for this, but no one ever wants to ask. So I'm going to say it now.

In my old home, the walls were brown. Brown paneling, that is. Brown everywhere. Even the floors were shades of brown! (It was an older home, and I certainly didn't pick the color schemes.) And we had a lot of crap; think 10 pounds of shite in a five pound bag. So it was a cluttered, dark house.

When we built this house, somewhere in OH, Husband and I were struck by how nice and light the house was. I had all the walls painted "Navajo White," which isn't whitewhite, but not cream, nor eggshell. It's nice and light. And I don't have pictures on my walls.

I'm loathe to put nail holes in my walls, nor do I want to make the rooms seem darker by putting up all the pictures and what not that I've acquired.

And who the hell wants to dust all that crap?

So when one of the BIL's said he was going to get me paintings for Christmas (and he wanted to see them on my walls) I got kind of pissy.

It's my house, my walls, I do the dusting. He can do what ever the hell he wants with his walls, but keep the crap off mine. I'm sick of sitting around in the damn dark. Besides, I sat and looked at Strong Vincent and Joshua Chamberlain (see the pic below) for years, it's time for a change.

Say it isn't so

Ice-T (lately of Law & Order SVU fame) is going to produce David Hasselhoff's rap album.

Yes, I said rap.

I blame Germany for this!

Snort Worthy

Soccer is gay.

Thanks to Agent Bedhead for making me laugh out loud.

Happy Fourth of July!

I hope your day has dawned better, because it's stormy and gray here. It's a good thing we had our cookout yesterday!

Which, by the way, went off fairly well. I was anal about my carpets, and kind of tired, but for the most part it was a good day. I got compliments on my macaroni salad and the cake I baked...which, trust me, made my day!

Our houseguest left this morning to trek back home. It was nice, really, as this is the BIL I've never really gotten to talk to or spend much time with. I told him he probably knows me better now than he ever wanted to!

And he drove us around in his Honda Odyssey, which was pretty sweet...for a minivan anyway. I don't know if I'll "convert" over, we'll see; this makes two such vehicles among the in-laws and sometimes I wonder if they don't want to start a fleet of Odysseys or something.

Weeeel, the younglings are watching a Tom & Jerry "Slamfest" on Boomerang, and I've got some laundry going...it's raining and my fridge is stocked with leftovers from yesterday, so it's going to be a very quiet Fourth for us.

I'm still here

Things are going well, and my hands smell like onions because I was chopping, dicing, and slicing yesterday, making salads and what not for today.

I also baked a cake and made one of those Jell-O/Cool Whip pies.

Hmmm...maybe I should hire out!