Vacation Planning

It's that time of year again when Husband and I start talking about what we're going to do this summer.

Son has his heart set on going over to the Carnegie Science Museum again, which I have no problem with, but I've been doing some research of my own, since we'd like to explore more of the area we live in.

So far, I've brought up for consideration: Clarksburg, WV (birthplace of Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson), Lancaster, OH (birthplace of William Tecumseh Sherman), and Gettysburg. You know....the really big reenactment in July.

Husband already has somewhat set plans to hit Fredericksburg, VA (we've promised relatives there a tour), and if you Llamas will be in you home areas in August, let's have drinks, mmkay?

I have no problems with going back to Fredericksburg. The last time I was there I was in the family way with Son, and it might be fun to not waddle around like a wounded duck this time.

But...can I offer some advice? If you happen across a living history event, no matter which war is being portrayed, remember this:

1) They are hot. Damn hot. And probably cranky and more than a bit fragrant. So don't even ask if they're hot.

2) Yes, that fire is real, and yes, they probably did cook over that fire.

3) Yes, chances are they really did sleep there last night.

4) No, they don't shoot real bullets.

5) If you go to a Civil War reenactment and hear someone going on about Lincoln, Lee, Jackson, Grant, etc., as if those people are still alive, don't run off for a straightjacket. They're not crazy, they're doing their first person impression.

6) Seriously, don't ask the women how they pee in those hoopskirts.

7) Don't freak if you see women actually baking pies, cooking turkeys, or even spinning wool. It can be done (although I never did).

That's all I can think of right now. But take it from me, don't ask those questions, because the reenactors have heard it all before.

"Everyone Would Have Seen It"

I have it from a very reliable source that had Jim Morrison actually exposed himself in Florida in 1969, "everyone would have seen it."

Which means that The Lizard King was, ahem, packin' heat!

So, you know, it sort of makes sense that the current Florida governor pardon Morrison of that indecent exposure conviction.

Fashion Faux Pas

Hello? You would think that someone as fashion conscious as Victoria "Posh" Beckham would know that a woman should always wear a black bra with a black shirt.

I mean, really. Even I know that!!

(Courtesy X17 Online)

Stamp It Out!

I know, this is kind of old news, but Swooner Dreamboat is going to be on a stamp.

Yep, young Obi-Wan will forever be immortalized on a stamp!

Yeah, you know I'm going to buy a few...

P.S. Lancashire Evening Post -- you got Ewan's age wrong...he's only 36.

Infected

Just got back from the doctor's office. Yeah. Daughter has another strep infection!

Now remember, just two weeks ago (two weeks ago as of tomorrow, to be exact) I took her to the hospital for the exact same thing, for which she got a shot that apparently did not work.

Not only does Daughter have strep, but her throat had to be swabbed twice. You know how that went over.

We stopped at the pharmacy and got the 'scrip for Omnicef filled (and another new toothbrush), and in about three weeks or so the doc wants both younglings tested to see if they're strep carriers. Oh joy. I just love watching my kids gag when that swab hits the back of their throats.

Do I need to tell you that I'm in less than a good mood right now?

Controversy?

If this is true (and boy do I hope that it is), then I love Prince all that much more.

Prince! The music of my youth!!!

(Every time I hear a Prince song from the 80's it makes me think of a certain bunch of people I used to hang with....pool parties....a certain reader knows all about it!)

H/T: Mr. Atoz at Agent Bedhead

"Maggie the Cat is alive!"

LL Cool J as Brick?

Who's gonna be Gooper and Big Daddy?

I love the movie version, even if it did delete any references to Brick's, um, preferences. I would love to see a stage version, and this one sounds like it could be really good.

A totally different look at the thing, don't you think?

GARDYLOO!

"All I wanna do...."

Is wipe my bum!

So, Sheryl Crow wants us to use one square of potty paper, huh?

Hmmm. Okay, this tells me only one thing: she's in cahoots with the folks who make antibacterial handsoap. Yep, she's going to singlehandedly (!!!) send handsoap prices through the roof.

Either that or she's suddenly adopted the Arabic way of wiping her bum.

Needless to say, I wouldn't shake her hand.

What's "gardyloo"?

Gardlyloo. (gär' dè lòò'). interj. (a cry formerly used in Scotland to warn pedestrians when slops were about to be thrown from an upstairs window.) [Anglicized form of F gare (de) l'eau beware of the water]

Wah Wah Wah?

Chachi can't find a woman.

I mean, Scott Baio can't get a woman.

I'll bet he wishes he had Fonzie's way with the snap, huh?

Whoa.

Gag Worthy

*urp* *bleh*

Is this *urp* a beached walrus, or Val Kilmer in a wetsuit?

*gag*

H/T: Martinis, Persistence, and A Smile

Panic Mode

Ahhhh! Dayum!

The Pastor is coming over tomorrow night and Casa Groovy is a mess!

This weather is like a drug; I don't want to do anything but sit and enjoy it! I'm working on the laundry tonight, as well as starting to clean any areas The Man may see.

Tomorrow I'll have time to get groceries and finish cleaning, clean myself up, and make a warm cherry dessert!

Dammit, dammit, dammit. I hate when I let things pile up like this.

WTF?

Husband and I are sitting in the waiting room this morning with Daughter to see the ear doctor, and that Sanjaya fool is on Regis and Kelly.

(Would that I had the power to change the station in the waiting room. Everyone would have to watch the Food Network!)

Anyway, that hairy, skinny little wiener is singing, and another woman looks up and says "Who the hell is that?"

My thoughts exactly.

Seriously? That guy?

Snort Worthy

This one made me laugh out loud!!

H/T: Wyatt Earp

A Mother's Job

I fear there is a certain Advanced Auto Parts that won't be too happy to see the Groovy family anytime soon. Not after what happened today.

No sooner did we walk into the store, but Son put his hand to his mouth and said "I feel like I'm gonna....bleeeeeeeh....."

I made quick apologies to the guy behind the counter and rushed Son outside to one of the garbage cans while Husband and Daughter stayed inside, looking for a repair manual for La Tahoe. Son finished talking to "Ralph" and I helped him clean up.

He was fine until we made the turn down our road to come home. Then he honked all over again; luckily I keep plastic grocery bags in La Tahoe for such emergencies.

All of this gastric activity didn't do me any good, as I had yet another migraine trying to work its way past all the Excedrin Migraine I'd taken this morning. My stomach was in revolt as well, and while I didn't hork, I sure felt like I could.

Rest seems to have done Son and I a world of good, though. So far he's holding things down, but to be safe I'm keeping him home from church tomorrow.

A mother's job is never done, no?

Hell Popped

Yesterday I said that I was going to be attending the PTO meeting, and I did, and hell popped, and now there are a lot of pissed off women and the principal at the school had her head so far up my arse that she probably could taste the Pantene I use.

Without going into too much detail, nothing about the meeting turned out to anyone's satisfaction. Well, the principal, PTO president and treasurer sure got their way. And yes, the principal did act a bit like a dictator, intimidating us with her soap-box speech about how hard the treasurer position is and blahblahblah.

I greased the wheels a bit to try to find out when Daughter would be attending preschool, and the principal couldn't get on the phone to the bus garage fast enough. (Daughter will be in the P.M. class.)

But see, this is what chaps my arse: that principal runs hot and cold with all of us. Normally she wouldn't tell me to go sh*t in my dinner bucket, but the minute I say "Oh, I'd volunteer to help next year," she couldn't peel her lips from my posterior.

And you know what? After yesterday maybe I won't volunteer next year. I refuse to work in the office with that two-faced administrator, because you know if the sh*t hits the fan, who is the principal going to land on first? The hapless, unpaid volunteer.

And! I avoided a political discussion yesterday when I was at lunch with some of the other women. One mother said she likes Nancy Pelosi and thinks she would be a great president. I kept my mouth shut, but I must have made a face, because she said "What's wrong with Nancy Pelosi?"

"She's a Democrat" says I.

Other mom makes a bit of a face and says "You guys aren't Republicans, are you?"

"I am," proclaims yours truly, "but I'm not getting talking politics today."

See? But I don't know what was worse, that that mother likes Pelosi or that still another mom doesn't even know who Pelosi is! "I don't have time for that crap," she said.

But...once all that drama was dealt with, I settled down to watch one of my favorite movies. Well, I tried to, as the phone rang half-way through and then it was all for naught.

And just in case you didn't think I was a raging geek, here's another gem to add to your arsenal. I wrote a letter to this guy and yesterday I got an autographed postcard from him!

Shut up!

Hell's A-Poppin'

Or: There's a PTO meeting this morning and I'm ready to cover Daughter's ears if need be.

You see, in short, we need to elect two new officers, and the principal, Madam Hussein, seems to think she can just appoint people. And she can't. According to the president of the school board, the principal can't say who can be on the executive board of a PTO.

Trust me, there are plenty of other folks who have this info straight from the source.

So, yours truly will be sitting quietly (really!) unless I actually have the chance to call the principal "Madam Hussein," "Madam Comrade," or "Madam Castro."

Tour News

This just in!

Def Leppard will be touring this year!

Um....I'd go. I'm not too proud to admit that I liked them, still do. That's the closest to that "hair metal" that I got. What were they called? "The Duran Duran of metal" or somesuch. (I prefer Megadeth....Iron Maiden....stuff like that.)

I wonder if they still have those parties under the stage. Hmmmm....

But look at Rick Savage. He's so cute!

Gross, But Kind of Cool

Today I went in to the hospital for that barium swallow test.

(I swallowed! Tee hee!)

Anyhoo, first I spilled those fizzie thingies. You know what I'm talking about, those faux pop rocks that expand the stomach. Once I actually ingested the fizz, the fun began.

The radiologist walks in, and the conversation proceeded:

Me - "Didn't you read my mammogram a couple months ago?"

Doc - "If there was a man at the imaging place, yes, it was me."

Me - "Ha ha! First you look at my boobs, and now you're lookin' at my gut!"

The doctor was not amused.

Oh well. You can't say I don't try to make conversation.

Despite the disgusting barium, and not being able to burp (something I love to do), watching that stuff go down my esophagus and seeing my stomach was kind of cool. The doc said "You're refluxing right now!" in a stunned sort of voice.

Then he told me he didn't see a hernia.

What? Hello? No hernia? Um....okay. Someone saw or didn't see something and now what the piss?

Now.....I am home, drinking plenty of fluids to get the barium out of my system. Good times, gooooood times.

Oh My!

I was all set to post about my thoughts on Casino Royale, which Husband and I watched last night, until I Googled pictures of Daniel Craig.

See, I disabled the "safe search," and found nudie nude pictures of Mr. Craig.

Oh my!

As for my thoughts on the movie itself? It was good, I liked it, for the most part. I could have done without that whole scene with the chair (you know what I mean), but Craig did a good job.

I have to admit, I was raised on Sean Connery and Roger Moore (I prefer Connery), and haven't seen any of those other films with....what were their names? Timothy Dalton and.....Remington Steele?

"Boy, You Look Groovy!"

So said Mrs. Brady...

But I wonder if she'd say that about this get-up.

Oh my eyes!

Oh my eyes!

Oh my eyes!

Oh my eyes!

Cauliflower Ear

My ear is killing me! I spent the better part of this morning on the phone (I really should get a hands-free thingahootch, shouldn't I?)

Husband and I had questions, questions, questions about this upcoming surgery, and I had to move some appointments around, so I've been busy making a round of phone calls.

And then there are the kids. What to do with them when I'll be in the hospital for 23 hours? A friend of ours has generously offered to help out with that. And Husband may be able to take some time off to, you know, help me out.

Horrors! He may have to (gasp!) get the groceries! I won't be able to carry anything heavy....wonder how he'll like toting the laundry up and down the basement stairs?

At any rate, in less then a month I'll get the hernia fixed and be on the way to a more normal life.

It's On!

Surgery! Hernia repair!

May 15!

Strep Tease

Damn the strep! Now Husband has it!

He was all set to go to work this morning, but his throat has been sore, so he took a peek at his gullet with the flashlight and sure enough, there were the white spots. He's going to call the doctor later this morning.

That leave just Son and me. I hope we don't get it!

I spent yesterday morning disinfecting the kids' bathroom instead of going to church. Looks like I'll be spending the better part of today scouring and disinfecting our bathroom as well.

Mother's Intuition

Well, so much for a quiet reunion weekend for my family and I. (Husband arrived home safely Friday P.M., thankew.)

Yesterday Daughter wasn't feeling well - a temperature of 102 and her face was bright red. Something told me to look at the rest of her little body, and there it was: the telltale strep/scarlet fever rash.

I wasted no time calling the doctor, who told me to get Daughter in to the hospital. I did, Daughter's throat was swabbed, and yes, it's strep.

This time, though, we were offered a shot or a ten-day course of meds. I chose the shot, much to Daughter's loudly voiced chagrin. But now, this morning, while her face is still red, her throat isn't sore and her fever is gone.

Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!

I have no words.

Just read this.

Random Ewan McGregor Picture Post

What's My MuthaF***in' Name?

Pardon me, I'm in a Snoop Dogg moment here.

Anyhoo, here's something fun to do: see how many people in the country share your name. Uh-huh....click here.

Steve Sanders In The Buff?

Okay, admit it, you watched 90210. I did. I'm not ashamed! I had mad love for Dylan McKay and really rooted for Kelly and Brandon to go the distance.

But I digress.

It would seem that Steve Sanders....I mean Ian Ziering....is considering taking it off for Playgirl.

Ummmm....no, not so much. He was my least favorite, next to Andrea (except for when she lost her "flower." That dude was cute.)

But seeing Steve Ian in the altogether? Uck. He's probably packing something like a lil' smokey. And who wants to see that?

(H/T Agent Bedhead)

Harper Valley PTA

Kind of. Sort of. Except we call it "PTO." And that doesn't stand for Power Take Off, either.

But these last few days, that song, Harper Valley PTA, has been running through my head.

Not that the PTO has tried to tell me how to dress or act or anything. If they tried to do that I'd tell them to go sh*t in their dinner bucket.

No, this is just a bunch of damn women (three, actually) who are running roughshod over everyone else, lying and being bitchy, trying to control things like, well, kind of like a dictator.

The PTO president yesterday moaned and groaned about how much she has to do, how her husband has taken a cut in pay. I had to turn my back when she said that. My husband....well, he has deployments hanging over his head; there's always that possibility he could be sent overseas for a long period of time (again). But did I bring that up? No! Why should we have to poo-poo that other woman because her life is so rough? Like she's the only one?

Our elementary school is merging with another one (the other school is shutting down) and our PTO won't meet, or even speak with, the other school's PTO. It's a long story, but the short of it is, there's a bunch of pissed off parents, me included.

So, you know, I'm loving that line:

"The day my Mama socked it to the Harper Valley P.T.A."

C'mon Get Happy!

Or, maybe, not so much.

It's a Partridge day here at FDD!

Danny Bonaduce (say that....Bonaduce...doesn't that feel fun rolling off the tongue? Bonaduce!)....

What?

Oh, yeah. Danny Bonaduce is getting a divorce.

He doesn't want a divorce....but hey, I've seen "Breaking Bonaduce," and if that was even half of what it was like to live with him, well, what can I say?

BONADUCE!!!

I Think I Love You Birthday

Happy Birthday to David Cassidy who turns 57 today!

Yes, Keith Partridge in a pear tree. Oh he of the feathered hair and tight pants. I know he's a little before my time (and I don't really like The Partridge Family) but he was a good lookin' dude in his day.

And then, Keith...er, David...had to evolve with the times, and that feathered 'do became a mullet:

Until he became a Vegas showman....

A Dedication

This one goes out to Cowboy Boots.

Remember our banjo/accordion version of this song?

"There's nothing we won't try..." OREGANO!

Two, Two, TWO!

Today this here blog is two years old! Yay!

Two, two, TWO!

Snort Worthy

Found over at The Llama Butchers:

The way Episode 4 should have been;

And...."Tacos Rule!"

Much Grass

I would just like to know what arsebite invented Easter grass.

What the piss?

Obviously, the wanker that created this so called "grass" never had a three-year-old who threw it all over the carpet.

Don't Come Around Here

Boy, if Elizabeth Edwards doesn't like this guy, what would she say about me and my family?

We do, after all, shoot stray cats for fun.

For the record, Liz, I probably wouldn't let my kids associate with you and yours, either. Neither Son or Husband need combing and feathering tips from your husband.

H/T: NSC

Sick

If I'm not my usual self, don't worry. I have this beyotch of a cold that has rendered me pretty much useless.

I can't stay awake for more than an hour at a time!

So, I'm off to take more drugs and sip on some low acid orange juice, in hopes it doesn't give me nasty heartburn.

And, something to chew on, I have an appointment with a surgeon next Monday to discuss repairing this hernia.

Random Ewan McGregor Picture Post

Washed Up

Well! The mountain of laundry from this weekend is done! Yay me! Now our clothes don't smell like dog butt anymore!

Have I mentioned I'm not a dog person?

Jumpin' Jellybeans!

I'm still alive. I haven't given up on the blog. I've had a very long weekend.

A very long weekend without a connection to al-Gore's Internets!

The younglings and I left for an Easter visit with my folks on Thursday morning. (Where's Husband? Overseas.) Thursday a.m. was a mess; snow, slippery roads, windy and colder than a mother-in-law's kiss. Buses were stuck on slick roads and there was a traffic backup, but we managed to get out of our OH town. Once we got north of Youngstown, however, all bets were off. White-out conditions, people.

But we made it to Liberalville Erie, and once I got the kids safely settled with my parents, I checked in to a motel room. Yes, for three nights I was alone and enjoyed every silent minute of it.

I was going to try to go to the funeral home Thursday night. A classmate from high school passed away, and while I sent flowers, I didn't think that was the most appropriate time and place for a class reunion.

Good Friday found me at the mall with my friend Cowboy Boots. She was nice enough to help me look for a dress to wear to a wedding in June. And then we just HAD to go to the new casino! It was like being in Reno; I didn't want to leave! I didn't want to stop smoking!

(Yes, I smoked. Shut up.)

On Saturday I took the kids to the in-law's. That was a short visit for two reasons: 1) a major migraine set in, rendering me useless; 2) there were six dogs running around. I am NOT a dog person. I managed to be able to see (I get that "flash bulb" effect when I have a migraine) well enough to get the kids back to my mother's. I then hastened to my motel room, whereupon I took a very hot shower and fell into bed.

And then today, Easter Sunday, my parents took the younglings and me out to brunch. Then the kids and I made the journey home.

Not a very exciting weekend, but then, there isn't too much one can do when it's freezing and there's the dreaded lake effect snow to deal with.

So now I have a mountain of laundry and my shoulders are killing me from driving, but it's just so damn good to be home that I don't care!

This and That

A couple of tidbits from Glitterati:

Lindsay Lohan says she's inspired by Sex and the City.

Um, LiLo? Yeah....it inspired me, too. I bought a vib....SHOES! Lots and lots of shoes!

Aaaaaand...

Mark Wahlberg has a unit and he isn't afraid to dedicate a book to it.

For the record...I'd check it out too if I had a chance.

He's a star!!!

I'm A Baaaaad Girl

I'm sitting here drinking Coca-Cola.

Full strength, caffeine and all.

Bad! Very bad!

I Like To Move It

So I did.

Well, not exactly. It's kind of hard to get your groove on in Wal-Mart, but I managed to shake my thang.

It's kind of depressing, though, when you hear a song in the grocery store that you used to dance to back in the day. But when I heard this, I started to laugh and told Daughter to "shake it!" I'm glad I didn't run in to my pastor's wife today...like I usually do. Imagine what she would have thought if she'd seen me movin' it in the cereal aisle!

Anyhoo, this is the song, but not the version I used to dance to:

But I can't decide if I look more like the hippo or the old lady towards the end!

Jokes

By popular demand - two requests, actually - here are those jokes I sent out. And I got a rise out of two, two, TWO liberals instead of one!

The first was posted by blog bud NSC: Morality Test.

The second came to me by way of Husband. It's a riddle...

I don't know about you, but I thought these were pretty durned funny!

Can Dish It Out...

...but can't take it!

I sent two, JUST TWO, joke/political e-mails to a family member who is a confessed Liberal Democrat who would vote for Hillary.

Yeah, these jokes were about Hillary.

Anyway, the person e-mailed me back and asked me not to send anymore e-mails like that to her!

Hmm....I've noticed this a lot lately from some of my left-leaning acquaintances. They can yell and scream and gripe all they want about Bush, the war, the economy, "global warming," and I, at least, just roll my eyes and move on. But don't dare make a joke about Hillary in front of them!

Sheesh. Typical. Those types are really good at dishing it out, but they can't take it.

Monday Morning Gripe

Today I'm registering Daughter for school, pre-K to be exact. I have all the necessary info collected: Social Security card, birth certificate, immunization record, life history and a urine sample. (Just kidding on those last two.) They're just going to have to take one of our utility bills as proof of residency, although if I didn't live in this godforsaken district I wouldn't have my kids going here. (More on that later!)

I refuse, absolutely put my foot down, about showing any kind of proof of income! I know how those bitchy slags women like to gossip. Besides, I know we don't qualify for their "it takes a village" handouts, and how much Husband makes is none of their fookin' business!

Okay, so here's a rant about the school district. The superintendent of this district that is in "fiscal caution" and is about to be taken over by the state of OH, not only got a tidy raise but also has a car allowance...for a Hummer!

Now look, I'm the last person to criticize what someone drives, but seriously, a Hummer? I'm practically rationing my fuel and trips (think WW II) with La Tahoe, and this woman (who gets her hair done at THE upscale salon in town) is getting an allowance, and probably a fuel card, for a Hummer? When this district is in such dire financial straits?

It boggles the mind. It's enough to make a preacher swear!

I don't know....this is all making me think really hard about just pulling the kids out and homeschooling.