Get a Load of This

Yesterday I went up to the tanning beds after Husband got home from work. No big deal, right?

Well, I'm all situated in the bed, tanning away, when I felt something brush against my arm. I thought it was just a fly so I tried to shoo it away...but then I felt a sting and I knew it wasn't a fly.

It was a bee, rather a yellow jacket, to be specific, but I'll just call it a generic bee. Luckily I'm not allergic to bee stings; the last time I was stung was something like 30 years ago, but I don't remember any adverse reactions back then.

So, after I roared out a choice four-letter word, I hopped out of the bed, still lit up mind you, and killed said insect. Then I got back in the tanning bed and finished out my time.

I told the girl at the desk about it. I'm not allergic, but someone else might be, know what I mean?

I should at least get a free tanning session out of this since I got interrupted.

More Grassroots Campaigning

This from the latest Hallowed Ground magazine, a publication of the Civil War Preservation Trust. (All emphasis is mine.)

Johnny Depp = Captain HighPants?

That sick freak, Captain HighPants (yes, I've been paying attention to Glenn Beck) described himself as a "dashing prince" and thought that Johnny Depp should play him in a film about JonBenet Ramsey's murder.

First of all, dashing prince? I think not. Have you seen the picture on one of the scandal rags of Captain HighPants in the '80's? Waaaaay too much black eyeliner. Startling, to say the least.

And I really don't think Depp would go from being known as Captain Jack Sparrow to Captain HighPants.

The DNA didn't match, this guy got a free ride over from Thailand, he still faces child pern charges in CA...and he was teaching children?

Lock this freak up...in Neverland for crying out loud, but get him out of society!

Making Ready

La Tahoe is home, finally! I think Husband was as happy as I was to go get her, because he's had to drive his car all weekend; he commented this morning that his car hasn't had this many people in it....ever. And this is the most I've ridden in his car since we were dating...ten years ago.

I know, I KNOW, if I could get past my brain farts and learn to drive a stick I could have just taken his car and been done with it, but I'm sorry, I cannot coordinate my feet!

In other news, tomorrow is the first day of school, and I think Son is ready to go. I've got his school supplies in his backpack (sharpened dinosaur pencils!), lunch fixin's were bought today, the juice packs are chillin', and his clothes are laid out. He got a hair cut, so he looks groomed.

Husband said I'm stressing out over this more than Son is, but I'll admit there's a certain "groove" a parent gets into when school is in session. It's as much a routine for parents as it is for the kids!

At least I've got La Tahoe back, so we don't have to wait for the bus in the rain in the morning. (This humidity is making me look like I have an afro!)

Talk about hypocrisy!

After spotting a doe in the front yard, I launched into song...doe, a deer! A female deer!

Husband made some comment about the way I was singing it, and I asked if he'd ever really paid attention to the way those kids sing in the The Sound of Music.

He said he tries not to watch that movie...and then want "blahblahblahblah!!"

To which I exclaimed "Hypocrite! You can't understand why I don't want to watch Kelly's Heroes! Hypocrisy! Hypocrisy!"

I mean, really. Gavin MacLeod? Please.

Welcome...

...to the person who found their way here by Googling

"nude hiking regulations in pa."

I don't recall blogging about nude hiking in Pennsylvania, but welcome all the same.

And I really don't want to know if you, you know, hike in the nude.

Look alike?

We decided to go to church this morning; we'd spoken with another couple who told us about a particular place, and since services started at 9:30, we went.

The thing that struck me was this one gentleman who told us where to take the kids for the nursery and what not. After he walked away I pulled my friend aside and said:

"Is it just me or does that guy look a lot like President Bush?"

I spoke to "Mr. President" after services, and he gets that comment a lot. And...he's a Republican!

Out of the mouths of babes

The conversation between Daughter and Husband this morning went something like this:

"Daddy, what you got?"

"Creamer for the our coffee," says Husband, holding up the jug of French Vanilla CoffeeMate.

"Is that for making coffee naked?"

"No, it's not for being naked. Just scantily clad."

And as I sit here writing this, Husband says to Daughter:

"You better watch it, Mommy's writing about you!"

"Coffee naked!" exclaims Daughter.

Singing and Waving, Waving and Singing!

Today while we were sitting at a stop sign, I remarked to Husband about a sweet looking classic Mustang that was driving past us. He said,

"Look at what's coming the other way. A little deuce coupe."

At which point yours truly launched into Beach Boys mode and yelled "You don't know what I got!"

And then, in a fit of song, yelled "Ya got the pink slip, daddy?"

I thought I was pretty clever.

Even more so when we'd gotten home and someone decided they were going to check out our driveway. They either didn't see or blatantly ignored the Private Drive No Trespassing sign we have at the end of our driveway. (Note to OH residents: our driveway is NOT a county road!)

As the couple in the ugly minivan were turning around, I stood in our picture window and started waving at them. The female passenger looked at bit perplexed at this, but I kept waving.

I hope that made them feel really stupid for racing up our driveway and scaring the piss out of us.

Nosey buggers.

Random Ewan McGregor picture post

Swooner Dreamboat, serene.

Turn off those fans!

The sh*t has hit the fan, and I wasn't even there to see it!

(We started boycotting last week.)

I've mentioned the troubles our church has been having, and last Sunday it all came to a head, so to speak, and now those of us who support the Pastor are basically leaving.

Split! Can you hear the breaking?

I got a call last night from the person who heads up the nursery, asking if Husband and I wanted to work there again. I told her Husband and I decided not to go back to that church until Pastor is back. She said he won't be back, but that was only her opinion.

Now, if you've learned anything about me through this blog it's that I'm not good at confrontation. I talk a big game, but I'm basically a wuss. So I told the Nursery person I'd send her our schedule (Husband works on weekends sometimes).

After talking to a couple of friends from church, though, I decided to call Nursery person back and tell her that no, Husband and I won't be back.

See, the kids were still in the sanctuary when the poopy hit the blades. The one thing we adults wanted to do was keep the kids out of this, but now it's too late. It's sad, depressing....and somehow I feel like I've been sucked back twenty years to high school.

Pastor was back, on August 6. We were all under the impression that one of the elders left in protest, only to find out that he was actually sitting in one of the crying rooms with the lights out....watching.

Sad, sick, and a little creepy.

A sad little power trip by five men who are "ruling elders" that we're supposed to respect. Yeah....right.

Soooooo, what will the Groovy family do tomorrow morning? I don't think we know yet.

Found that box set...

...and I'm actually listening to it now.

Damn hippies.

"We were born to love one another/this is something we all need"

What are these people, on dope?

Hey hey we're the Monkees!

(No, this isn't a post about Congress....)

"The Monkees Celebrate 40 Years With Reissues Of First Two Albums As Limited, Double-Disc Editions"

Now, my sister had a Monkees album - an actual vinyl record, ya know - and when I was a kid I would listen to it all the time...right along with The Partridge Family album she had.

Anyway, I was probably the only kid my age who knew all the words to the theme song, and I was always running around singing "Gonna Buy Me A Dog."

A word of caution, though: do not, under any circumstances, watch the Monkees movie Head. Well, not unless you're under the influence of some groovy cigarettes.

So in honor of The Monkees' 40th anniversary, I'm going to dig out my box set (yes, I've got a box set, shut up) and groove to "I'm Not Your Steppin' Stone." And then maybe I'll find that Partridge Family CD....and that Brady Bunch stuff...

Read this, Jon Stewart

And then bugger off and get the hell out of OH.

What is a buckeye?

I highly recommend the chocolate and peanut butter kind.

"Furry Happy Monsters"

I forgot that R.E.M. did a little gig on Sesame Street.

Furry happy monsters....

Good grief. What our children are forced to watch.

Comin' to your city?

The Daily Show is going to come to OH to cover the elections. You know, after we allegedly "cheated" in the last one, and this state is so important. That must explain why the area I live in is so depressed.

I'll tell you just "what the hell" a buckeye is, Jon Stewart.

Arrogant bastard.

Come talk to me, I'll give you a "unique perspective." The old one finger salute!

Damn Liberals.

The "Little Woman"

I feel like I'm "the little woman" today because I'm without a vehicle. Yep, I took La Tahoe in to the garage again today. It's leaking something red all over my garage floor, it's hard to steer, and there's massive transmission slippage.

Sometimes I wonder if, at nine years old and almost 110,000 miles, if La Tahoe is worth it. Oh, it's still a good vehicle, for all the money I spend on fuel...and all the nasty looks I get from Prius drivers.

(Piss off, Prius drivers. Really.)

So I'm here with the kids, cleaning and entertaining. Hopefully La Tahoe won't be gone too long; Husband and I wanted to do something this weekend before Son goes back to school.

By the book

Today I was talking with someone -- a family member -- and I said we should write a book.

"Between your stories and my English degree, we could piece something together," I said.

Not that having that degree means anything, but I can type fast and I have a dictionary at hand at all times. I harbor no fantasies about my writing skills...just look at this blog.

But...what stories we could tell! Think Peyton Place. Only with cows.

Open House

Today I took Son over to the school so he could see his new classroom. None of the teachers were there, but at least Son got to see where he needs to go when school starts next week.

The books that the kids will be using were already stacked on the desks, so I took a look. I remarked that all the stuff in the math and language arts books appear to be exactly like the stuff he did in first grade, so he should kick some butt -- academically, that is. He was more excited about the big globe on the counter.

"Look Mom! I found Iraq!"

I took in all those school supplies (tissues, hand soap) that we're required to provide. Being the germaphobe that I am, I also took in a king-sized tub of Clorox wipes for the desks. I do not want Son coming home with all those nasty colds this year.

Son is feeling a lot better about going back to school, and I think he'll have a good time.

Travel and Meet?

About a month ago, Husband and I made rather tentative plans with our Pastor and his wife to take them to Gettysburg. They've never been, and since Husband and I have been there so many times...

Well, I didn't really think Pastor was going to go, not with things literally going to hell in a handbasket where church is concerned. (Long story, for another time, trust me.) So I told Husband, "Let's go anyway!"

Son would love taking a couple days off from school (we like to go in October), and Daughter would get a kick out of climbing all over Devil's Den.

And maybe, just maybe, I could set up a blogmeet with Robbo?

Robert, I'm serious.

You Be The Judge

I recently discovered Eddie Izzard one night when I channel surfed over to BBC America. He's an actor and comedian, and that night I watched part of his show "Glorious." I liked it so much I ran out and bought a copy.

Absolutely hysterical! I love this man! I highly recommend.

He likes to dress in women's clothing. So what? I like to wear men's pajama pants and boxer shorts, it doesn't mean I want to sprout a growth and be a man.

But that's not the point. The point is this: there's another eerie resemblance between Izzard and a certain bitch...

Eddie Izzard in one of his more feminine get-ups.

The lead big-mouth of the Dixie Bitches.

We know one of these photos is of a man dressed in women's clothing.

Or do we???

Eew. Just EEEWWWW!!

This is just gross. Wrong. I agree with the author: for once I actually agree with PETA.

I have no words. Just check out the link:

"Dances With Pigs"

P.S. This great article can also be found in The Conservative Voice.

Support Your Airman!

The Younglings and I show our obvious bias for our favorite branch of the armed services.

Mulletville

I have seen Hair-Do Hell, and it is right here in Ohio. Yes, there are still living and breathing human beings who still see The Mullet as a hair fashion statement.

I actually saw one kid, who couldn't have been more than ten years old, with what I'll call the "uber-mullet." His head was basically shaved, except for a long hank of hair in the back that was not only left long, but was permed.

Holy tail, Batman!

Where exactly did I see this fashion faux pas? Why, at the county fair, of course! Where else can you go and munch on cotton candy whilst taking in the most desirable folks in the county? Not to mention those hotties that run the rides.

Not.

They guy running the ferris wheel had no teeth. And the guy running the carousel had to shut it down because a bolt fell out, and he had no clue what it was for.

Needless to say, we spent most of our time down in the animal barns checking out the livestock.

Anxiety Eased

Son is a little less anxious about going back to school, now that we know who is teacher will be and who's in his class.

The one kid he was dreading is in the other second grade class; there was an immediate attitude change when Son saw that!

So, he's feeling better about this, and I now have proof that requesting a particular teacher actually works. Believe me, I was ready to flex my "mommy muscles" if Son didn't get the teacher I requested!

August 19 Birthdays

Today is former President Bill Clinton's 60th birthday. I'm sure we're going to be deluged with this on the news today, so for those of you who, like me, wouldn't piss on BillyJeff if he was on fire (and that sicko would probably get off on it anyway), let me give you some other August 19 birthdays.

"Friends" star Matthew Perry
country singer LeeAnn Womack
actress Kyra Sedgewick
"Full House" actor and sometime drummer for The Beach Boys John Stamos
Queen bassist John Deacon
"Star Trek" creator Gene Roddenberry
French designer Coco Chanel
inventor of flight Orville Wright

So, when you right-minded folks are suffering from Clinton birthday overload, just think back to this partial list of folks who share the same birthdate.

Lies and Movies

Crayola is full of SH*T! Those Wonder Markers DO write on things other than that groovy paper. Daughter's quilt has a big, yellow mark on it from where she left her marker uncapped.

I know, why did she have them within reach in her bedroom? Well, because those fookin' markers aren't supposed to leave marks on fabric!

Bastards.

Speaking of lies and liars, I just watched Rumor Has It. You know, that movie with The Liar Jennifer "I'm NOT Engaged to Vince Vaughn" Aniston and that uber-puke Kevin Costner.

*urp*

Wait, sorry. It's just that, at the mention or sight of Kevin Costner....I threw up in my mouth a little.

Anyway. Okay. I was at Blockbuster and figured what the hell, so I rented it. Um, someone tell me why anyone would pass up Mark Ruffalo for *burp* Kevin Costner?

I hate to admit it, but I like Shirley MacLaine.

It takes place back in January 1997. So, for what ever stupidass reason, references were made to....BillyJeff. *burp* Will we ever have a movie set in the '90's that does NOT heap praise on that white trash?

Did I like it? Not especially. I'm glad I only rented it.

Thumbs Up

Lately I've found that I've been giving the "thumbs up" to people. I did it last Friday at The Big Dinner, and I did it yesterday when I asked for directions to the restroom at the mall. So, what's the deal? Am I expressing my....inner Fonzie?

Stars Unite!

A bunch of Hollywood types have united against terrorists.

Among the stars signing a full-page ad in the Los Angeles Times condemning violent extremists are: Nicole Kidman, Michael Douglas, Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Don Johnson.

The ad reads, "We the undersigned are pained and devastated by the civilian casualties in Israel and Lebanon caused by terrorist actions initiated by terrorist organizations such as Hezbollah and Hamas. If we do not succeed in stopping terrorism around the world, chaos will rule and innocent people will continue to die. We need to support democratic societies and stop terrorism at all costs."

Um...okay. I'm confused. (That happens so easily, though.) Does this mean...do they support....

I mean, hasn't President Bush been saying the same thing? And to these types, the President is a drooling idiot. So I don't get it.

But then again, I can't take seriously any group that calls themselves "Hezblahblah" and "Hams."

"The smartest man I've ever met."

Last night, just for shi*ts and giggles, I tuned in to Larry King Alive to see Jon Bon Jovi. I tuned in just in time to hear King say "You're an outspoken Liberal Democrat." To which JBJ nodded his head in confirmation.

STEEEEEEEERIKE!

King then asked what JBJ thought of Algore, to which JBJ responded:

"He's the smartest man I've ever met."

Says I:

"Gawd, Bon Jovi, you need to get out more."

Bleh.

The resemblance is eerie!

Mr. Atoz posted something about Paris "That's My Vagina" Hilton's inclusion in the 2007 Guiness Book of World Records. Something about being the world's most overrated person.

Amen!

But it's the picture in this post that troubles me. The resemblance is just too close. Check it out and let me know what you think.

"...it's just an old goat."

Paris "That's my Vagina!" Hilton has bought the plot next to Marilyn Monroe...for her pet goat.

Good grief.

A source told Britain's Daily Star newspaper: "It's absolutely disgusting. Paris booked the plot for a 'Billy Hilton'.

Dean Martin is also buried in this cemetery. I'll bet he'd need a drink after he got wind of this.

h/t: Martinis, Persistence, and A Smile

What this white girl listens to

After reading Agent Bedhead's "...N.W.A. Comparative Perspective" I remembered that yes, I actually have an N.W.A. album. Rather, a cassette tape...we used to listen to "F**k the Police" all the time in college. You know, white, middle class kids feeling "rebellious."

Yes, I also have a copy of The Chronic and was quite a fan of Snoop Dogg as well.

There has to be nothing scarier than a white girl listening to gangsta' rap. Or saying "gangsta' rap."

Give me a head with hair! Long, beautiful hair!

All right, what the hell is this? Kate Hudson and that hairy sumbitch she's now separated from had a boy, right? Ryder Russell Robinson (reading, writing, 'rithmatic) Jingelheimer Schmitt??

This kid has longer fookin' hair than my daughter.

Good grief.

He's got the blues

The first day of school is two weeks from today, and Son announced last night that he really doesn't want to go back.

Show me any kid who actually wants to go back to school....but how do I handle it?

He says he gets bored at school; I tell him he'd be bored sitting around here with me. He says he has to do too much work at school; I tell him if I homeschooled him he'd have to do work too. He tells me there's one kid he just doesn't like and doesn't want to be in class with.

Well, on that one, Husband and I both told him that there's always going to be some jerk that he's got to deal with. That kind of thing never goes away.

But what else can I do? What else should I say?

This is all new territory for me!! And he's only going into second grade!

He's Alive! Aliiiiiiiiive!!

Are you an Elvis fan? Do you think he's still alive?

Prove it and you could win $3 million.

No go! Scoot!

No More Movies

Madonna will not make any more movies.

And the world heaves a collective sigh of relief.

Mama Don't Get Dressed Up For Nothing

We're back. It's been a long weekend.

Friday (The Big Dinner) went well. We got to the hotel with time to relax and get ready, and things went smoothly, with the possible exception being that our room was directly across the hall from a hospitality suite in which one of the after parties was going to be held.

Husband took a picture of me, but I'm not posting it. Sorry, but while I looked good in the dress, for what ever reason it looks like I have no eye makeup on...and no one needs to see that.

I got about half a dozen compliments on my dress, which made me feel good. I didn't get drunk and make an ass out of myself. Husband won a "Stellar Performer" award, for the second year in a row. We managed to get to sleep despite the party going on across (and all the way down) the hall.

We went up to get the kids on Saturday; they'd spent the better part of the week with my parents, and while Husband visited his folks, I spent time with mine. We took the younglings to the beach and everyone had fun. Son lost his first tooth last night!

Today, after the younglings and I visited with Husband's parents, we made the trek home.

I'm tired...so very tired.

Even More of What You Love

Got myself a new guest blogging gig over at Ex-Donkey Blog.

Gary has lined up an impressive list of guests. so make sure you check it out!

Ready to go

I'm packed, my dress is ready, I'm just about set for The Big Dinner tonight.

Most importantly, I remembered to pack my makeup. Last year I was in Pittsburgh with no makeup! Luckily, Husband's buddy's wife was there and let me use hers. But you know how it is, if it isn't your stuff you just don't feel done.

So, I shall clean up and put on a smiling face for all those high ranking officers. And listen to endless stories about planes, deployments....

At least there's booze.

Farm Livin' Ain't the Life for Me

I love living out in the boonies of OH, except for one thing:

Our neighbor has roosters. And they don't just cock-a-doodle-do at dawn either.

Bastards!

This neighbor has peacocks, too! Have you heard a peacock's call?

And you wonder why I rarely sleep with the windows open.

Man! I feel like a woman!

I had the best morning.

I got to go shopping...alone. And not just at Wal-Mart, but at the actual MALL.

You know what I did? I spent 45 minutes channeling my inner Carrie Bradshaw and tried on shoes. True, they weren't exactly $500 Manolos, but they were very chi-chi.

And I hit sales. With all the stuff for fall coming out (and Penneys already has winter coats out...ugh) they need to clear out all the summer stuff, so I managed to get some great deals at a bunch of stores.

I had a good time. I never get to go shopping just for me anymore. Well, unless it's new socks or something, and even then it's trusty old Wal-Mart. But I haven't been shoe shopping in a long time. My Visa card is ssssssmokin'!

I could get used to this.

OHMAGOD!!!

Matthew McConaughey has a hammer in his pants!

Good LORD!

Seriously Overcompensating

I saw something odd this morning while on my way home from the hospital.

I was driving along, la dee da, and coming in the opposite direction was a guy on a motorcycle.

Big woo, right?

Well, this guy pops a wheelie right there on the road! I mean, he maintained it for a good distance, too!

I glanced out my rearview mirror at him, still wheelie-ing, and said:

"That man is seriously overcompensating for a small penis."

HA!

Never Say Never?

After my Reno trip, or rather the flight home, I vowed never again to fly through O'Hare.

Well, my words have come back to bite me in the ass.

You know I'm a massive Paula Deen fan, right? Well, I subscribe to her magazine and e-mail newsletter, and this morning I got this reminder about the weekend get together in Nashville, August 18-20. For poops and giggles I got on Orbitz to see how much a flight would be.

Well, getting there would be no problem. But coming back? It seems like every flight goes through...O'Hare. Dammit.

It's just as well; I can't really afford it right now anyway. But it was fun to think about.

Johnny Castle defends Mel

Patrick Swayze, or Orry Main (as I like to call him), has joined the ranks of Hollywood types who have come to Mel Gibson's defense.

I don't know about you, but I'm not joining this boycott against Gibson and his films. Nope.

In fact, I think I'll watch go Braveheart again.

Nutcase Go Home!

Why is anyone still talking about this woman?

Why does the media think that anyone still cares?

I'll stop now, as I was always taught that if I have nothing nice to say about someone, I should keep my mouth shut.

And I have nothing nice to say about this bitch.

h/t: The Llama Butchers for linking this

Slow morning

I have a headache and I can't find anything to blog about at the moment, so allow me to tell you that I'm off to color my hair.

Damn gray hairs anyway.

Husband has the day off (surpise!) so we get to have our morning coffee together and listen to Quinn and Rose.

Last night I watched the best show on BBC America. We've been watching that channel quite a bit lately because every Saturday night they broadcast Sharpe's movies, which Husband really enjoys.

That's how I found out about Shakespeare Re-Told. Last night was Much Ado About Nothing. It was really good, not to mention that Damian Lewis was in it...very easy on the eyes.

The Return

Today our Pastor is supposed to return to the pulpit.

I say "supposed" because he was slated to be back last month, but the Elders had every Sunday booked....long story short, he'll be back today.

If he's not back, that's it, I'm outta there. This whole process is becoming a pain in the rear and I'm getting sick and tired of five men playing games with the entire congregation.

UPDATE: The Pastor was back today! Given that it's August, it was a small gathering today, and not all the Elders were even there. But, Pastor was back, it was all good.

Goin' to the pizza parlor?

Happy birthday Adrianne Curry!

Ms. Curry....Mrs. Brady...um, Mrs. Knight! Anyway, she's 24 today.

I wonder if Peter...er, Christopher, will take her to the pizza parlor. Or the soda shop. How about a lovely dinner of pork chops and applesauce?

Did Pete...Christoper save up his green stamps to buy Adrianne a nice birthday present?

(Damn, I watched too many Brady Bunch re-runs.)

Oh, and for some extra fun, go read Adrianne's blog.

I joke, I'm a terrible hypocrite, as I was glued to the TV every Sunday night to watch these two.

I didn't just fall off the turnip truck...

Apparently we are supposed to believe that Ewan McGregor has a myspace page.

Okay, I want proof that this is THE Ewan McGregor.

And I really doubt it is.

Feeling Rebellious

I told you all a long time ago that I was going to stop getting super personal here and use ye olde pen and paper to vent my anger, frustration, whatever concerning what should be kept private.

Well, today I've been stewing over something and the more I think about it, the more frustrated I get, and this time the old fashioned journal just isn't going to cut it.

In short, I need feedback, whether that be via e-mail or what ever, but I'm not going to disrespect anyone by venting here.

If you'd like to know what my issue is, please e-mail me and I'll fill you in.

I have a week to get over myself, but like I said, I need input from objective observers.

Can Ya Spare a Dime?

You know what drives me insane? Kids soliciting for money outside the grocery store.

I'm only going in for a few things, a quick trip with the younglings, and I'm accosted by children with old coffee cans asking for money for the baseball team. Or the cheerleaders. Or what ever. And they get you coming and going! Dammit! How much money do they think I'm going to give?

And what really gets me is the kids that stand almost in the middle of the road yelling "Car wash! Car waaaaaaash!! CAR WAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!"

They act like we're supposed to run right in to get our vehicles washed, but then give us dirty looks when we drive past them.

Oh yeah, I'd like to see those kids try to wash La Tahoe.

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!

Holy Boobies, Batman!

Jenna Jameson has been immortalized in wax.

As one commenter mused: "I wonder how many candles had to die to make those tits of hers???"

Really.

Although, it looks like Real Jenna has had some collagen injected in her lips.

Ah well, she's had worse in her mouth, I'm sure.

HA!

Fashion Moment

On a more personal note, last night I tried on my dress for The Big Dinner. You know, I put the whole ensemble together to make sure I had everything. Husband said it was the best looking dress I'd picked yet.

And while the dress isn't Dolce and Gabbana, and the shoes aren't Manolo Blahniks, I still look FABULOUS!

Hopefully Husband will be able to snap a pic that I can post so you can all bask in my fabulousness. (With a shot of the shoes too, as they're really cute.)

Don't Hold Your Breath

Rob Schneider, who is 1/2 Jewish, has vowed never to work with Mel Gibson.

Well, Rob, I hope you weren't holding your hand on your ass waiting for that big role in the first place, as I doubt very much Gibson needs you to yell "YOU CAN DO IT!!" at key points in his films.

Excuse Me While I Get Sick

I may never be able to look at donuts again.

*bleh*

I Never Thought So

First, I don't know if this article I'm linking to is a movie review or a scathing indictment of Hollywood's portrayal of the South and Southerners.

(Let me say here and now that I'm not a NASCAR fan. I don't understand the attraction in watching a bunch of guys making left hand turns all day long. Sorry. I'd rather watch guys whale hell on each other playing football.)

But, back to this article. I've been to the South (as far as North Carolina, anyway) and have met a lot of Southerners during my reenacting days. No one struck me as stupid or ignorant.

And I don't for one minute think rural Georgians have any particular sexual predilection...if you know what I mean.

Southerners aren't stupid. Look at: Robert E Lee; James Longstreet; Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, to name a few. Sure, maybe Jackson wasn't at the top of his class at West Point, but still...and the poor man lost most of his division on the third day of Gettysburg... On the whole, look at just that group of Southern men.

And then look at George McClellan, one of the commanders of the Union Army. He makes John Murtha look like a warmonger.

I don't know. I've known a few Yankees in my day that were dumb as stumps.

He Could Always Practice With Me

Ewan McGregor (a.k.a. Swooner Dreamboat) has been having "gay kissing sessions" with his co-star Douglas Hodge in the film Scenes of a Sexual Nature.

Well Ewan, I'm strictly hetero, but you could have practiced with me!

Why?

Why in the hell did someone think up the Stretch Hummer? Aren't the regular ones bad enough?

I had the unfortunate experience of getting stuck behind a stretch Hummer while on my way home from Dollar General this morning. The whole time I'm driving I'm wondering just how much gas that thing hogs on an average trip, why in the hell someone was riding in one on a Thursday morning, and what was it doing out in the boonies?

Well, the really great (??) part was when the Hummer was going to make a left turn. The stupid bastard driving that monstrosity didn't have enough room to make the turn, so he had to back up... blah blah blah ... and I almost get rear-ended by someone who wasn't paying attention, and apparently didn't see all my brake lights lit up.

So, my question to you is: why? Why stretch Hummers? After this, I don't want to hear one word about my having La Tahoe.

Talk About This Some Moe

It came to my mind last night that:

Mel Gibson likes The Three Stooges!

The Stooges were Jewish!

Mel was an executive producer of the television movie about the Stooges!

Something to ponder...

Off Somewhere

I realize that I haven't been my usual sparkling self so far this week, I blame the heat. Well, that and having to run all over God's country taking Son to and from camp. La Tahoe is NOT happy with having the AC running, so much so that every time I come to a stop light, she acts like she's dying.

Explain the logic in this: the heat index is over 100 degrees and what am I doing? Driving (without the AC) up to lay in the tanning beds. Yep, 20 minutes in a hot box.

Ridiculous. But I do have a great tan.

While I'd love to chat and read and what not, I've got to throw the baby out with the bath water. Um, give Daughter a bath, that is. I don't know why she thinks spaghetti sauce is a facial product.

What Say You?

So, Mel Gibson. What do we think?

Personally, I think he's a dumbass who should learn about the concept of filtering the info between his brain and his mouth.

Or get a blog, one of the two.

Look, I've always liked Mel, especially his ass in the first Lethal Weapon movie. (Oh what a wonderous sight for a seventeen year old girl!) But now he's just acted like an ass.

His first mistake was driving drunk (and getting caught), but for the love of crap, Mel, what don't you understand about "license, registration, proof of insurance, get out and walk this line"?

Is he anti-Semitic? Well...admit it, don't we all have some not so politically correct opinions? But as far as Mel goes...perhaps he is.

I don't care how drunk he was, he should have kept his mouth shut. I know, people's inhibitions are lowered when they drink, trust me I KNOW. This is why I don't flash my pretty bras to everyone and when I'm sober as a judge. I just do that when I'm drunk.

For the record, I'm not anti-Semitic (I don't know anyone who is Jewish, and to be honest, I don't understand anti-Semitism in the first place; what did the Jews ever do to deserve that???).

Random Ewan McGregor picture post

Study of Hotness in black and white.

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Eggs, and Spam

A shout out to Gary the Ex-Donkey, who came home to find a buffet of Spam!

Come on, say it...."SPAM!"

August 1

Happy first day of August! School starts in 28 days!!!

I love Son, really, but it's time for him to go back, back, back to school.

How are you all with this heat business? You know, for some of us, in about six months when we're freezing our heinies off, we'll look back to days like this with longing.

Personally, while I love my air conditioned house, it's giving me terrible sinus headaches every night because the house is so closed up. I have to get out and breathe! Tylenol makes major dollars off of me!

Okay, chickens, I've got to pry myself away from The Internets and get Son's lunch packed for camp today. Then Daughter and I are going to hit le Mart de Wal to stroll the aisles. Thank goodness I've already got the school supplies taken care of. What a zoo! Actually, Son wants an alarm clock, hence the trek.

COMING UP: Next Friday is The Big Dinner! I wish I could live blog, but there's that pesky security issue, what with all those folks running around with stars all over their shoulders. And, while the potential for an actual HIGH SPEED wireless connection makes me drool, I think I'd stick out a bit with my trusty laptop, don't you?