One for the parents
Moms and Dads, I'd like to talk to you. Or rather, ponder with you. My friend told me about a situation with one of our kids' classmates, and I've been stewing over this kid all night.
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A little backstory here: There is a boy in Son's class, I'll call him Chuck, who is being raised by his grandparents and his great-grandparents. Why? Well, first, it isn't only Chuck, but three kids in all that are in this situation. Their mother comes and goes as she pleases. I don't know, and neither does my friend, if drugs are an issue or what, but this woman pushed out three kids and then just left them with her mom and grandparents.
Chuck is a cute little boy, I had a nice conversation with him at the Christmas party. It seems though, that for what ever reason, Chuck's been soiling himself at school. His grandparents bring him clean clothes...and he poops in those too. Apparently this happened yesterday, as my friend was in the office for PTO stuff, and when the boy's great-grandfather came to get Chuck, grandpa muttered something about pulling Chuck out of school.
Chuck soiling himself isn't all, though. It seems that when he would go to other kids' houses for playdates, he'd act out and start smacking the other kids around.
I feel bad for this kid. Chuck didn't ask to be born to a mother who comes and goes as she pleases. I wonder how that plays out: Here's mommy! Mommy sticks around for a week or two, maybe gets close with her kids, then steals what she wants and heads out again.
What kind of a mother would do this to her children? What kind of a person values her own needs and wants over those of her children?
And, most importantly, why would a six or seven year old boy willingly just poop his pants? What's going through that poor kid's head? Is he that starved for any kind of attention?
None of this is any of my business, and I keep my distance from anything when I'm at the school, but I can't help but wonder and feel bad. I know that I have days when I get so fed up with my kids that I want to run away, but I don't and I never would.
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I have never commented on something, but I found this rather disturbing. I really hope that the school has done more than just called for clean clothes. There are many physical conditions that can result in this problem. But... More importantly, considering his situation, it could be due to a psychological stress, including physical and/or sexual abuse. I really hope the school has spoken with the family, insisted they contact the family physician, and meet with the school counselor. This is a very sad situation. If the child doesn't have psychological stress now, he will soon. Unfortunately, children can be cruel, and I am sure this doesn't go unnoticed by them. The worst thing that could happen to this child is having him pulled out of school, because ultimately he will slip through the cracks. If the school does not act on this, they have really dropped the ball. "No child left behind" should not refer to education and learning only. It always amazes me that I need a license to drive a car and have a dog, but not to have children.
posted by
Kim at January 25, 2006 10:05 AM
I used to work at a psychiatric hospital for children and adolescents. We had a boy who was about 10 years old who constantly soiled himself. We took him to numerous doctors and there were no physical causes. He was a very intelligent and funny child. He told us his father was a very famous artist. I don't know if that's true. Unfortunately, the situation was never resolved no matter what we tried. We tried different behavioral techniques (even ignoring it completely) and made him do his own laundry (all the kids had to do their own laundry. There was a stackable washer and dryer in each hall.) The soiling was so bad it stank up the entire boy's hall permanently. Nothing ever worked. I do not know his outcome.
Apparently, a come-and-go mother is quite common, at least around here. There are so many grandparents raising children that there are occasionally articles in the paper about the support groups, lack of funds available if they actually adopt the child, etc.
You probably don't want to butt in, but this child in your son's class definitely needs help. In FL you can call the child abuse hotline anonymously. I do not know if that's the case in Ohio or not. I suppose if the grandparents pulled the child out of school that would be grounds enough to report(even though that's considered more like neglect than actual abuse). Still, you are correct, the school is failing the child if they do not seek help for this situation.
Some school districts are so strapped for cash, they only have one guidance counselor or psychologist that rotates between all the schools. I don't know the situation with your school district, but it definitely bears looking in to.
posted by
junebee at January 25, 2006 10:24 AM
This little boy's situation reminded me of something I had read (for medtrans classes). Here is an article that maybe the teacher could give to the grandparents? It makes sense and could be something as simple as changing the child's diet and retraining his body. It's called encopresis and it's a cycle of constipation which results in painful bowel movements so the child 'holds it' so as not to have pain. This cycle causes the muscles and nerves 'forget' how to react to the BM sensation, thus the child no longer can control BMs. That's the simple version, but the article is interesting and may be helpful.
Keep Kids Healthy
posted by
Anna at January 25, 2006 07:30 PM
Son had that problem a couple years ago, when Daughter was born. He didn't go for two weeks! It was a combination of still trying to potty train, starting preschool, and Daughter's birth. I guess in his mind, going #2 was something he had control over, plus it got him attention. I posted about this waaaay back in April, I think. But, it got pretty bad.
Maybe that's what Son's classmate thinks: hey, I can control this, it's the only thing I can control now...
It's sad. But Son told me Chuck was in school yesterday...
posted by
GroovyVic at January 26, 2006 06:47 AM
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I have never commented on something, but I found this rather disturbing. I really hope that the school has done more than just called for clean clothes. There are many physical conditions that can result in this problem. But... More importantly, considering his situation, it could be due to a psychological stress, including physical and/or sexual abuse. I really hope the school has spoken with the family, insisted they contact the family physician, and meet with the school counselor. This is a very sad situation. If the child doesn't have psychological stress now, he will soon. Unfortunately, children can be cruel, and I am sure this doesn't go unnoticed by them. The worst thing that could happen to this child is having him pulled out of school, because ultimately he will slip through the cracks. If the school does not act on this, they have really dropped the ball. "No child left behind" should not refer to education and learning only. It always amazes me that I need a license to drive a car and have a dog, but not to have children.
I used to work at a psychiatric hospital for children and adolescents. We had a boy who was about 10 years old who constantly soiled himself. We took him to numerous doctors and there were no physical causes. He was a very intelligent and funny child. He told us his father was a very famous artist. I don't know if that's true. Unfortunately, the situation was never resolved no matter what we tried. We tried different behavioral techniques (even ignoring it completely) and made him do his own laundry (all the kids had to do their own laundry. There was a stackable washer and dryer in each hall.) The soiling was so bad it stank up the entire boy's hall permanently. Nothing ever worked. I do not know his outcome.
Apparently, a come-and-go mother is quite common, at least around here. There are so many grandparents raising children that there are occasionally articles in the paper about the support groups, lack of funds available if they actually adopt the child, etc.
You probably don't want to butt in, but this child in your son's class definitely needs help. In FL you can call the child abuse hotline anonymously. I do not know if that's the case in Ohio or not. I suppose if the grandparents pulled the child out of school that would be grounds enough to report(even though that's considered more like neglect than actual abuse). Still, you are correct, the school is failing the child if they do not seek help for this situation.
Some school districts are so strapped for cash, they only have one guidance counselor or psychologist that rotates between all the schools. I don't know the situation with your school district, but it definitely bears looking in to.
This little boy's situation reminded me of something I had read (for medtrans classes). Here is an article that maybe the teacher could give to the grandparents? It makes sense and could be something as simple as changing the child's diet and retraining his body. It's called encopresis and it's a cycle of constipation which results in painful bowel movements so the child 'holds it' so as not to have pain. This cycle causes the muscles and nerves 'forget' how to react to the BM sensation, thus the child no longer can control BMs. That's the simple version, but the article is interesting and may be helpful.
Keep Kids Healthy
Son had that problem a couple years ago, when Daughter was born. He didn't go for two weeks! It was a combination of still trying to potty train, starting preschool, and Daughter's birth. I guess in his mind, going #2 was something he had control over, plus it got him attention. I posted about this waaaay back in April, I think. But, it got pretty bad.
Maybe that's what Son's classmate thinks: hey, I can control this, it's the only thing I can control now...
It's sad. But Son told me Chuck was in school yesterday...
