September 11, 2005

My Memories

Today you'll read a lot of fellow bloggers memories of 9/11/01, and since September is a big month in the Groovy household, I'm going to add my memories to the mix.

I commented to my mother yesterday that I wished I was still in the Sesame Street mindset that I was in that morning four years ago. Son was almost two years old, and loved to watch those "kid shows" on PBS and the like, so we had spent that morning happily immersed in Bert, Ernie, and Big Bird. ("Baby! You know the sound of the 'B!' Buh buh buh...")

It wasn't until I sat down to check my email that I found out something had happened. My sister had sent my something that was cryptic at the time, how the kids were being kept in school, she couldn't believe this happened...so I hurried up and turned on CNN and saw those pictures. By the time I changed the channel, the towers were gone, the Pentagon had been hit, and those brave souls had met their maker in a mass grave in Pennsylvania.

I had to keep it together, if I broke down and cried Son would panic and how does one explain to a two year old what had just happened? But I did cry, as I prepared lunch for Son, I could hear the TV in the other room, saw those images over and over again. I clung to the oven door and just sobbed.

I knew then that nothing was ever going to be the same again. I wished I'd stayed on Sesame Street, or chatting with Mr. Rogers in the Land of Make Believe...but I changed the channel and here I am.

One year later, Husband, Son, and I were taking a vacation, enjoying the Antietam battlefield, and we saw President Bush fly over as he made his way to Pennsylvania for the memorial service. We had spent the previous night in Frederick, MD, and we knew we weren't that far from D.C. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the morning of 9/11/02 to hear sirens, and I panicked. But, it wasn't what I thought it was.

Fast forward to 2003, I'm four days past my due date with Daughter when I tell the ob/gyn that I want to be induced that day. It was 9/9/03, I said, and I did not want my daughter born on 9/11. Bad enough Son shares his b-day with another family member, my daughter shouldn't have a birthday that brings so many bad memories to so many people. Thankfully, Daughter made her rather reluctant appearance on the 10th.

All our lives were changed that September morning, but I know that the changes in my life are nothing compared to those who lost loved ones on those planes, in those buildings... Those are the people I cry for still. I still say to myself "Oh those people on the planes. How on earth did they deal with seeing those builiding come at them? How in the world did those on Flight 93 feel?" I'll never know, not really, no matter how many documentaries I watch.

That day proved to me that this country is worth fighting for. How can we not want to fight for all that we have after that day? We're lucky, blessed even.

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