October 02, 2006

Happy Birthday

Today would have been my father's 65th birthday.

Would have been...if he hadn't died ten years ago.

It's funny, my life has obviously gone on, but I still think about my dad everyday. I'm still sad that I never really got to know my father, never got to go to D.C. with him, that he'll never have the chance to see his grandchildren.

But at the same time I'm still really angry at him for not taking better care of himself. He didn't have to die of CHF. If he'd eaten better, exercised, stopped drinking so much...if he'd cared enough about me to take better care of himself.

Is that selfish of me to say that? It isn't all about me, but it shouldn't have been all about him, either. He wanted to feel sorry for himself, and in turn have everyone feel sorry for him too. Divorce isn't easy, but he could have pulled his head out of his arse long enough to see he still had me, even if I had moved out with my mother.

It's moot, at this point, to speculate about my dad, or even to be angry. I'm happy with the way my life has turned out and I've resolved not to be the person my father was.

But, all the same, every October 2 I spend a little more time thinking about my dad.

Happy Birthday, Dad. If there's a plus side to all this, it's that you're not getting those black Gold Toe socks anymore!

Show Comments »